ARE you raising an adolescent? If so, you are witnessing one of the most fascinating stages of your child’s growth. It can also be one of the most nerve-racking. Do the following scenarios sound familiar?

• When your son was younger, he was like a boat tied to a dock​—you. Now as a teenager, he is tugging at the rope, eager to set sail, and you get the impression that you are not invited on board.

• When your daughter was a child, she told you everything. Now as a teenager, she has formed a ‘social club’ with her friends, and you feel as if you were not granted membership.

If something similar is happening in your home, do not hastily conclude that your child is becoming an irreformable rebel. What is happening then? To answer that question, let us consider the pivotal role that adolescence plays in your child’s development.

From birth onward, a child’s life is a list of firsts​—the first steps taken, the first word spoken, the first day of school, to name just a few. Parents rejoice when their child reaches a milestone. The accomplishment provides evidence of something that they yearn to see​—growth.

Adolescence too is a milestone​—although some parents may not greet its arrival with applause. Their apprehension is understandable. After all, what dad or mom is happy to see a compliant child turn into a moody teen? Still, adolescence is a vital phase of growth. In what way?

The Bible states that in time “a man will leave his father and his mother.” (Genesis 2:24) A major function of adolescence is to help prepare your son or daughter for that bittersweet day. At that time, your child should be able to say, as did the apostle Paul: “When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe.”​—1 Corinthians 13:11.

In essence, that is what your son or daughter is doing during the teen years​—shedding the traits of childhood and learning to become a responsible young adult who  is self-reliant and mature enough to leave home. In fact, one reference work poignantly describes adolescence as “one long goodbye.”

Granted, right now the very idea that your “little” boy or girl will become independent may arouse your skepticism. You might ask:

• “If my son is not responsible enough to keep his room clean, how will he maintain an apartment?”

• “If my daughter is not dependable enough to keep her curfew, how will she keep a job?”

If you wrestle with such concerns, remember this: Independence is not a door that your child simply walks through; it is a road that he or she travels, and it takes years to complete the journey. For now, you know from observation that “foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy”​—or a girl.​—Proverbs 22:15.

With proper guidance, however, your child will likely emerge from adolescence as a responsible young adult with his or her “perceptive powers trained to distinguish both right and wrong.”​—Hebrews 5:14.

To prepare your adolescent for adulthood, you need to help him develop his “power of reason” so that he will be able to make sound decisions on his own. * (Romans 12:1, 2) The following Bible principles will help you to do that.

Philippians 4:5: “Let your reasonableness become known.” Your teenager makes a request, perhaps for a later curfew. You immediately refuse it. Your adolescent whines, “You’re treating me like a child!” Before replying, “Well, you’re acting like one,” consider the following: Teenagers tend to demand more freedom than they can handle, but parents may tend to extend less freedom than they could grant. Might it be that you could make a concession from time to time? Why not at least think about your teen’s point of view?

Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not nag your children. If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying.”​—International Children’s Bible. Some parents try to micromanage their teen. To keep him in line, they all but lock him in the house. They pick his friends for him and eavesdrop on his phone calls. But these techniques can backfire. Confining him may only make him want to escape; constantly criticizing his friends might only increase their appeal; eavesdropping could compel him to find ways to communicate with his friends behind your back. The more you try to gain control, the less control you may end up having. Really, if your teen never learns to make decisions for himself while at home, how will he know how to make them after he leaves?

 Ephesians 6:4: “Do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” The term “mental-regulating” refers to more than imparting facts. It means to appeal to the moral consciousness of the child in such a way that it influences his actions. This is especially crucial when your child becomes an adolescent. “The older your children get,” says a father named Andre, “the more you need to adjust your approach and to reason with him.”​—2 Timothy 3:14.

Galatians 6:7: “Whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.” A child can be taught by means of punishment​—perhaps sending him to his room or denying him a favorite activity. With an adolescent, you would do well to think more in terms of consequences.​—Proverbs 6:27.

As a parent, you probably wish that adolescence were like a runway down which your child could swiftly and efficiently pick up speed and take off into adulthood. Rarely, though, is the takeoff that smooth. Still, your child’s adolescence provides you with a wonderful opportunity to “train up a boy according to the way for him.” (Proverbs 22:6) Bible principles are a solid foundation upon which you can build family happiness.