“Kunzima lokhu. Vele angiboni ukuthi ngizafa ngakukwanisa!” La ngamazwi akhulunywa ngumntanakho esefuna ukutshiya into ayenzayo ayibona inzima. Awukuthandi ukubona umntanakho ethwala nzima ukwenza into ethile kodwa ufuna afunde ukungakhalali masinya. Kumele uhle ugijimele ukumncedisa yini kumbe umyekele akhalale? Ungamfundisa njani ukuthi angakhalali?

 Ukungakhalali kuyanceda. Nxa abazali bangafundisa umntanabo ukuthi angakhalali bayabe bemnceda kakhulu. Ngokwesibonelo umntwana onjalo uyaphumelela esikolo, uhlala ethokoza njalo elempilakahle futhi uba labangane abazamnceda. Kodwa abantwana abahlala bencediswa ukwenza izinto bakhula bekhathazekile, bezibona bengasibantu balutho njalo abathokozi empilweni.

 Ukufundisa umntwana ukungakhalali kuthatha isikhathi. Labantwana abancane kakhulu bangafunda ukungakhalali njalo lokhu kuyabanceda ukuthi benelise ukwenza izinto ezinzima. Kokunye ukuhlola okwenziwayo kwatholakala ukuthi abantwana abalenyanga ezingu-15 bafunda lula ukungakhalali nxa bangabona umuntu omdala ethwala nzima ukwenza into ethile kulokuthi aphonguyenza lula nje.

 “Ngikhumbula ngifundisa abantwabami ukubopha izicathulo. Ngananzelela ukuthi le akusiyonto ongayifunda ngelanga elilodwa. Babesithi nxa sekumele babophe izicathulo bathathe imizuzu engu-10 kusiya kwengu-15 belokhu bezama ukubona ukuthi bangakwenza njani. Ngangibancedisa nxa ngingabona ukuthi sebethwele nzima. Bakuzama lokhu okwezinyanga ezithile kodwa kwezinye izikhathi babeze bakhale nxa bengehluleka. Kodwa bacina sebekwazi ukubopha izicathulo. Kwakulula ukuthi ngibathengele izicathulo ezingelantambo ukuze bangathwali nzima. Iqiniso yikuthi lathi njengabazali kumele sibekezele ukuze sifundise abantwabethu ukungakhalali.”—UColleen.

 Okwenziwa ngabazali kungenza abantwana bangazithembi. Okwenziwa ngabanye abazali bengananzeleli kungenza ukuthi abantwababo baphangise ukukhalala nxa besenza into ethile. Ngokwesibonelo, bayaphangisa ukuncedisa abantwababo ukwenza okuthile ukuze umntwana angacaphuki esezibona angani uyisehluleki. Kodwa lokhu akumncedi kangako umntwana. Umlobi okuthiwa nguJessica Lahey uthi: ‘Nxa uhlala uncedisa umntanakho kuyo yonke into kuyabe kungani umtshela ukuthi vele yena uyisehluleki, akulalutho alukwanisayo futhi awumthembi.’ a Lokhu kungenza umntwana aphangise ukukhalala ukwenza ezinye izinto ezinzima ezitshela ukuthi kumele ancediswe ngumuntu omdala.

 Bafundise ukwenza imisebenzi. Abazali bangafundisa abantwababo ukuthi bangakhalali ngokubanika imisebenzi etshiyeneyo kusiya ngeminyaka yabo. Ngokwesibonelo, abantwana abaleminyaka engu-3 kusiya kwengu-5 bangaphiwa umsebenzi wokuqoqa kuhle impahla zabo lokubeka amathoyi endaweni yawo. Abantwana asebekhulakhulile bangancedisa ukufaka izinto ezithengiweyo endaweni yazo, ukufaka imiganu etafuleni lokuyibutha nxa abantu sebedlile, ukuyalahla izibi, ukuthanyela kanye lokukorobha endlini. Nxa umntwana esekhulile usengaphiwa imisebenzi enjengokuklina kumbe ukulungisa izinto eziyabe zifile endlini. Kuliqiniso ukuthi abantwana bangabe bengakuthandi ukwenza imisebenzi yendlini kodwa nxa abazali bangabafundisa besesebancane ukwenza imisebenzi le, kuzabanceda kakhulu. Bazakhula besenelisa ukwenza imisebenzi enzima bengazange bakhalale.

 Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Ukusebenza gadalala kuloba yiwuphi umsebenzi kuyanceda.”—IZaga 14:23.

 “Ungaphongunika abantwana imisebenzi eminenginengi usenzela ukuthi bahlale belento yokwenza. Phela akulamuntu okuthandayo khonokho. Banike imisebenzi ezabafundisa okuthile. Ngokwesibonelo, nxa umntanakho esesemncane ungamfundisa ukuhlikihla uthuli endaweni ayifikelayo. Nxa ligezisa imota lomntanakho, myekele yena agezise endaweni okunzima ukuthi ufike kuzo. Ungakhohlwa ukuncoma umntanakho ngomsebenzi ayabe ewenzile.”—UChris.

 Tshengisa abantwabakho ukuthi bangayenza njani imisebenzi. Okunye okwenza abantwana bakhalale masinyane yikuthi bayabe bengakwazi ukuthi bawenze njani umsebenzi abawuphiweyo. Yikho nxa ufundisa umntanakho umsebenzi angakaze awenze, zama lokhu okulandelayo. Qalisa wena ukwenza lowomsebenzi ngapha yena ekukhangele. Ngemva kwalokho lingawenza ndawonye. Ikanti ngokuya kwesikhathi myekele awenze yedwa kodwa ube seduze ukuze umncedise lapho afuna ukuncediswa khona. Nxa ungakwenza lokhu lomntanakho uzabe esesenelisa ukwenza lowomsebenzi eyedwa.

 Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Ngilitshiyele isibonelo ukuze lani lenze njengoba ngenzile kini.”—UJohane 13:15.

 “Sengananzelela ukuthi nxa sifuna ukufundisa abantwabethu ukuthi bangakhalali, thina abazali kumele sibe yisibonelo esihle endabeni le. Abantwana bafunda ngcono singaba yizibonelo ezinhle kubo.”—UDoug.

 Ncedisa umntanakho abone ukuthi wonke umuntu uyaphambanisa lokuthi kulalapho ayehluleka khona. Ungesabi ukuxoxela umntanakho ngezikhathi lapho owathwala khona nzima ukwenza ezinye izinto lokuthi ukungakhalali kwakunceda njani. Chasisela umntanakho ukuthi kujayelekile ukuthwala nzima nxa usenza into entsha lokuthi ukwenza amaphutha kuzamnceda ukuthi afunde. Mkhumbuze ukuthi lanxa angehluleka ukwenza into ethile akutsho ukuthi indlela omthanda ngayo iyatshintsha. Njengoba nje umsipha womuntu uqhubeka uqina ngokuhlala usetshenziswa lobunzima obutshiyeneyo umntanakho angahlangana labo buzamqeqetsha ukuthi angakhalali. Yikho nxa umntanakho ethwala nzima ukwenza umsebenzi othile ungaphangisi ukumncedisa kodwa mnike isikhathi ukuze abelokhu ezama aze acine esewenelisa. Ibhuku elithi How Children Succeed lithi: “Enye indlela engcono yokufundisa umntwana ukuthi angakhalali yikumvumela ukuthi enze into okunzima kakhulu ukuthi aphumelele kuyo nxa eyenza okokuqala.”

 Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Kuhle ukuthi umuntu asebenze nzima esesemutsha.”—IZililo 3:27, Contemporary English Version.

 “Kuhle ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi abantwana bake bathwale nzima ukwenza into ethile lanxa bekwazi ukuthi umama lobaba bakhona ukuthi babancedise. Ngokuya kwesikhathi bacina befundile futhi lokhu kuyabanceda ukuthi bangakhalali.”—UJordan.

 Ncoma umntanakho ngokusebenza kwakhe nzima hatshi ngokuthi ukhaliphile. Ngokwesibonelo, kulokuncoma umntanakho usithi, “Upasile sibili umhloliso lowana! Ukhaliphile mntanami,” zama ukusebenzisa amazwi anjengokuthi, “Upasile umhloliso lowana! Usebenze nzima sibili mntanami ubala.” Ukuncoma umntwana ngalindlela kunceda ngani? Isikhwicamfundo okuthiwa nguCarol Dweck siveza ukuthi ukuncoma umntwana ngokukhalipha kwakhe ukwedlula ukusebenza kwakhe nzima “kwenza angazithembi kumbe akhalale nxa esehlangana lento enzima loba nxa angaphambanisa.” Uqhubeka esithi: “Nxa abazali befuna ukunceda abantwababo ukuthi bangakhalali kumele babafundise ukuthanda ukwenza imisebenzi enzima, ukungesabi ukwenza amaphutha lokuzimisela ukuhlala ufunda izinto ezintsha. Lokhu kuzanceda abantwababo ukuthi bangenzi izinto ngenxa nje yokufuna ukunconywa.” b

 Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: ‘Umuntu ulingwa yikunconywa akutholayo.’—IZaga 27:21.