Gushimira uwo mwashakanye ni ngombwa kugira ngo mugire urugo rwiza. Icyakora abagabo n’abagore benshi birengagiza imico myiza abo bashakanye bafite kandi ntibabashimire. Hari umuntu ugira inama abashakanye wagize ati “abenshi mu bagabo n’abagore baza kungisha inama, baba bahangayikishijwe n’ibitagenda, aho kwishimira ibyo bafite (Emotional Infidelity). Bansanga mu biro baje kumbaza icyo bahindura ku mibanire yabo, ariko ntibajya bambwira ibyiza bagezeho. Ikosa bahuriyeho ni uko nta n’umwe ushimira mugenzi we.”

Abashakanye bakora iki ngo birinde iryo kosa?

Gushimira bikemura ibibazo byinshi. Iyo buri wese mu bashakanye yitaye ku mico myiza mugenzi we afite, bituma barushaho gukundana. Iyo buri wese ashimira mugenzi we bishobora no kubafasha gukemura ibibazo bikomeye.

Abagore. Wa mujyanama twigeze kuvuga yanditse agira ati “abagore benshi birengagiza imihati abagabo babo bashyiraho kugira ngo bite ku bagize umuryango. Mu miryango imwe n’imwe ibyo bishobora no kubaho igihe bombi bafite akazi.

Abagabo. Akenshi abagabo ntibaha agaciro imirimo abagore babo bakora, urugero nk’imirimo yo mu rugo, kurera abana n’ibindi. Fiona * umaze imyaka 3 ashatse yaravuze ati “twese dukora amakosa kandi iyo nayakoze birambabaza. Ariko iyo umugabo wanjye anshimiye ibyo nakoze mu rugo, urugero nk’imirimo yoroheje, mbona ko akinkunda nubwo mba nakoze amakosa. Mba numva anshyigikiye kandi biranshimisha pe!”

Iyo udashimira uwo mwashakanye bishobora gutuma mutabana neza. Umugore witwa Valerie yaravuze ati “iyo uwo mwashakanye atagushimira bituma wumva ukeneye undi muntu wagushimira.”

Jya witegereza. Mu cyumweru gitaha uzagerageze kumenya imico myiza y’uwo mwashakanye. Nanone uzitegereze ibyo akora bigatuma urugo rwanyu ruba rwiza, nubwo ushobora kuba utajyaga ubyitaho. Nyuma y’icyumweru uzakore urutonde ruriho (1) imico myiza uwo mwashakanye afite (2) ibintu yakoze bikagirira akamaro umuryango.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Abafilipi 4:8.

Kuki ari ngombwa kwitegereza? Umugore witwa Erika yaravuze ati “iyo umaze imyaka mike ushatse, uba utaramenya agaciro k’uwo mwashakanye. Ntuba ucyita ku byiza akora, ahubwo uba wita ku byo adashoboye.”

Ujye wibaza uti “ese mpa agaciro ibyo uwo twashakanye akora?” Urugero, ese iyo umugabo wawe agize umurimo akora, wanga kumushimira ngo ni uko ari inshingano ye? Ese niba uri umugabo, wanga gushimira umugore wawe imihati ashyiraho arera abana, ngo ni uko ibyo ari byo ashinzwe? Jya witegereza ibyiza uwo mwashakanye akora biteza imbere urugo rwanyu, byaba ibikomeye cyangwa ibyoroheje maze ubimushimire.—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Abaroma 12:10.

Jya umushimira ubikuye ku mutima. Bibiliya ivuga ko tutagomba gushimira rimwe na rimwe, ahubwo ko tugomba ‘kuba abantu bashimira’ (Abakolosayi 3:15). Ni yo mpamvu wagombye gushimira uwo mwashakanye buri gihe. Hari umugabo witwa James wavuze ati “iyo umugore wanjye anshimiye, nifuza gukora byinshi ngo ndusheho kuba umugabo mwiza kandi nkagira imbaraga zo gukora neza kurushaho ngo urugo rwacu rube rwiza.”—Ihame rya Bibiliya: Abakolosayi 4:6.

Iyo buri wese mu bashakanye ashimira mugenzi we, bituma barushaho gukundana. Umugabo witwa Michael yaravuze ati “ntekereza ko buri wese mu bashakanye aramutse yibanze ku byo mugenzi we akunda, ingo nyinshi zagira amahoro. Iyo ibibazo bivutse ntibihutira gutana kuko bahora bibuka ibihe byiza bagiranye.”