Ukubonisa ukwazisa kubalulekile ukuze umshado uphumelele. Nokho, amadoda namakhosikazi amaningi ayayeka ukunaka okuhle okwenziwa abashade nabo aze angabonisi nokwazisa ngakho. Encwadini ethi Emotional Infidelity, omunye umeluleki uphawula ukuthi labo abavame ukuza kuye “bakhathazeka kakhulu ngalokho okungenzeki emshadweni wabo kunalokho okwenzekayo. Beza ehhovisi lami bezongitshela ukuthi yini okufanele ishintshe, kodwa abathi vu ngalokho okumelwe kuqhubeke kwenzeka. Iphutha bonke laba bantu abalenzayo ukuthi bayehluleka ukubonisana uthando ngokubonisa ukwazisa.”

Wena nowakwakho ningayigwema kanjani leyo nkinga?

Ukubonisana ukwazisa kunganciphisa izinkinga emshadweni. Lapho indoda nenkosikazi benza umzamo wokunaka nokubonisa ukubonga ngezinto ezinhle abazibona kwabashade nabo, ubuhlobo babo buyathuthuka. Ngisho nokungezwani okukhulu kungadamba uma oshadile ebona ukuthi ashade naye uyamazisa.

Amakhosikazi. Incwadi esike sayicaphuna i-Emotional Infidelity ithi, “Abesifazane abaningi bavame ukungaboni ukuthi amadoda abhekene nengcindezi engakanani yokondla imindeni yawo.” Kwezinye izindawo leyo ngcindezi iba khona ngisho noma bobabili indoda nomkayo besebenza.

Amadoda. Amadoda avame ukungayinaki imizamo eyenziwa ngamakhosikazi awo ukuze asize umndeni, kungaba ngokusebenza, ukukhulisa izingane noma ukwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya. UFiona, * oseneminyaka ecishe ibe mithathu eshadile uthi: “Sonke siyawenza amaphutha, futhi lapho ngenze iphutha ngiye ngiphatheke kabi. Ngakho lapho umyeni wami engincoma ngokuthile engikwenzile —njengemisebenzi yasendlini—ngivele ngibone ukuthi usangithanda nakuba ngiwenza amaphutha. Ngizizwa ngisekeliwe futhi ngingumuntu ebantwini!”

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma umuntu oshadile ebona sengathi akaziswa, lokho kungabeka umshado engcupheni. Owesifazane oshadile okuthiwa uValerie uthi, “Uma unomuzwa  wokuthi oshade naye akakwazisi, kulula ukukhangwa umuntu okwenza uzizwe waziswa.”

Nakisisa. Kuleli sonto elizayo, naka izinto ezinhle ozibona kowakwakho. Okunye, bheka izinto owakwakho azenzayo ukuze anakekele ikhaya—izinto okungenzeka ubungazinaki sonke lesi sikhathi. Uma liphela isonto yenza uhlu (1) lwezinto ozithandayo ozibona kowakwakho kanye (2) nezinto azenzile ezizuzise umndeni wenu.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Filipi 4:8.

Kungani kubalulekile ukunaka? Owesifazane oshadile okuthiwa u-Erika uthi, “Uma usuneminyaka ethile ushadile ungase uqale ukungamnaki owakwakho. Uyayeka ukuqaphela izinto ezinhle azenzayo bese unaka kakhulu lokho angakwenzi.”

Zibuze: ‘Ingabe angikunaki ukuzikhandla kowakwami?’ Ngokwesibonelo, uma umyeni wakho elungisa izinto ezithile endlini, ingabe uyayeka ukumbonga ngoba unomuzwa wokuthi vele kufanele akwenze? Uma uyindoda, ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi akudingeki umncome umkakho ngokuzikhandla kwakhe ukuze anakekele izingane ngoba vele kufanele akwenze? Kwenze umgomo wakho ukunaka nokubonisa ukwazisa ngazo zonke izenzo —ezincane nezinkulu —owakwakho azenzayo ezizuzisa umshado nomndeni wenu.—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Roma 12:10.

Ungayeki ukuncoma. IBhayibheli aligcini nje ngokuthi kumelwe sibonge, kodwa lithi: “Ziboniseni ningababongayo.” (Kolose 3:15) Ngakho zama ukuzijwayeza ukumbonga owakwakho. Indoda okuthiwa uJames ithi, “Lapho umkami ebonisa ukwazisa ngezinto engizenzayo kungenza ngizame ukuba umyeni ongcono futhi ngizikhandle nakakhulu emshadweni wethu.”—Isimiso seBhayibheli: Kolose 4:6.

Amadoda namakhosikazi abonisa ukwazisa ngomunye nomunye aqinisa ubuhlobo bawo. Indoda okuthiwa uMichael ithi, “Ngikholelwa ukuthi imishado eminingi ibingeke ichitheke ukube abashadile bebegxila kulokho abakuthandayo ngomunye nomunye. Lapho kuphakama izinkinga ngeke bagijimele ekudivoseni ngoba bazolokhu bekhumbula okuhle ngomshado wabo.”