UMA unomntwana osekhulile, kungenzeka ukuthi uyakuqonda lokho okushiwo abazali abacashunwe ngenhla. Esikhathini esidlule, kungenzeka kwakushelela ukuxoxa nomntanakho. Kodwa manje, kubonakala sengathi sekunezihibe. Umama wase-Italy ogama lakhe lingu-Angela, uthi: “Lapho indodana yami isencane, yayinemibuzo eminingi. Manje sekuyimi okufanele aqale ingxoxo. Uma ngingayiqali, kungase kuphele izinsuku singaxoxi ngalutho olwakhayo.”

Njengo-Angela, mhlawumbe nawe uthole ukuthi umntanakho owayeyiqaphuqaphu usevele akuqudulele. Njalo uma uzama ukukhuluma naye angamane aphendule ngezwi elilodwa. Uma ubuza indodana yakho, “Belunjani usuku lwakho?” Ingase iphendule ngokunengeka, “Beluluhle.” Uma ubuza indodakazi yakho, “Kwenzekeni esikoleni namuhla?” Ingase iphendule ngokungabi nasithakazelo, “Lutho.” Ukuzama ukuqala ingxoxo ngokuthi “kungani ungakhulumi ukhululeke?” kungalandelwa ukuthula du.

Kuyiqiniso ukuthi enye intsha ayinayo inkinga yokukhuluma. Nokho, lokho ekushoyo akukona lokho abazali bayo abafuna ukukuzwa. Umama waseNigeria ogama lakhe lingu-Edna uyakhumbula, “Lapho ngiyicela ukuba yenze okuthile, indodakazi yami yayivame ukuthi ‘Awungiyeke.’” URamón, eMexico, naye uphawula okufanayo ngendodana yakhe eneminyaka engu-16. Uthi, “Sixabana nsuku zonke. Noma nini lapho ngiyicela ukuba yenze into ethile, ibika imbiba nebuzi.”

Ukuzama ukuxoxa nosemusha ongasabeli kungavivinya isineke sabazali. IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi “amacebo ayashafa lapho kungekho khona inkulumo eyisifuba.” (IzAga 15:22) U-Anna, ongumzali ongayedwa eRussia, uyavuma: “Uma ngingazi ukuthi indodana yami icabangani, kuvele kuthi angiqhume intukuthelo.” Yini eyenza ukuthi ngalesi sikhathi okubaluleke ngaso ukuba kukhulunyiswane—intsha kanye nabazali bayo—balahlekelwe ikhono lokukhulumisana?

Ukukhulumisana kungaphezu nje kokuxoxa. UJesu wathi ‘umlomo ukhuluma ngokuchichima kwenhliziyo.’ (Luka 6:45) Ngakho, ngokukhulumisana okuhle siyafunda kwabanye futhi sembula okuthile ngathi. Lokhu kwamuva kungaba  yinselele entsheni, ngoba lapho iqala ukuthomba, ngisho ingane ebathanda kakhulu abantu ngokushesha nje ingashintsha ibe namahloni. Ochwepheshe bathi intsha ivame ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi ihlale igadiwe. Kunokuba ibhekane nalokho, intsha ezinyezayo ingase izihlukanise, ukuze iqhele kubazali.

Esinye isici esingaba yisihibe sokukhulumisana ukufuna kosemusha ukuzimela. Lokhu akunakugwenywa—umntanakho uyakhula, futhi ingxenye yaleso sigaba sokukhula ihlanganisa ukuzihlukanisa nomkhaya. Cha, lokhu akusho ukuthi umntanakho usekulungele ukushiya ikhaya. Ngezindlela eziningi ukudinga kakhulu wena njengomzali kunangaphambili. Kodwa le nqubo yokuzihlukanisa iqala eminyakeni eminingi ngaphambi kokuba umuntu abe mdala. Njengengxenye yokukhula, intsha eningi ikhetha ukucabanga ngezinto iyodwa ngaphambi kokuvezela abanye imicabango yayo.

Kuyavunywa, intsha ingase ingabafihleli izinto ontanga yayo—into eyaphawulwa umama waseMexico ogama lakhe linguJessica. Uthi, “Lapho indodakazi yami isencane, njalo yayiza kimi nezinkinga zayo. Manje isizitshela abangane bayo.” Uma kunjalo ngengane yakho, ungaphethi ngokuthi “isikuxoshile” njengomzali. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ngisho noma intsha isho okuphambene, iyasazisa iseluleko sabazali ngaphezu kwesabangane. Kodwa, ungaqiniseka kanjani ngokuthi umzila wokukhulumisana uhlale uvulekile?

Ake uzicabange uhamba ngemoto emgwaqweni omude ovulekile. Ngemva kokuhamba amakhilomitha amaningi, kudingeka ukuba ulijikise kancane nje isondo lokuqondisa. Kungazelelwe, lo mgwaqo uba nejika elibi. Ukuze ugcine imoto yakho isemgwaqweni, ayikho into ongayenza ngaphandle kokujikisa isondo lokuyiqondisa. Kuba isimo esifanayo ngomntanakho lapho ekhula. Kodwa manje ukuphila komntanakho sekuthathe ijika elibi, futhi kumelwe ‘ubambe ijika’ ngokushintsha izindlela owenza ngazo izinto. Zibuze imibuzo elandelayo.

‘Uma indodana noma indodakazi yami izimisele ukuxoxa, ingabe mina ngisuke ngikulungele?’ IBhayibheli lithi: “Izwi elikhulunywe ngesikhathi esifanele linjengama-apula egolide ezitsheni zesiliva.” (IzAga 25:11) Njengoba lo mbhalo ukwenza kucace, ngokuvamile isihluthulelo siwukukhuluma ngesikhathi esifanele. Ngokwesibonelo: Umlimi akasijahi noma asihlehlise isikhathi sokuvuna. Kumelwe nje alinde kuze kube isikhathi esifanele. Kungase kube nesikhathi esithile lapho umntanakho ekuthanda khona ukuxoxa. Lisebenzise lelo thuba. UFrances, ongumama ongayedwa e-Australia, uthi: “Ngokuvamile, indodakazi yami yayingena ekamelweni lami ebusuku, ngezinye izikhathi ihlale kuze kuphele ihora. Angikuthandi ukulala sekwephuzile, ngakho kwakungelula, kodwa ngalezo zikhathi zasebusuku, sasixoxa ngazo zonke izinto.”

‘Ingabe ngiyakuqonda ngempela lokho okuvezwa amazwi?’ UJobe 12:11 uthi: “Indlebe ayiwavivinyi yini amazwi njengoba ulwanga lunambitha ukudla?” Manje kunanini ngaphambili, kudingeka ‘uvivinye’ lokho indodana noma indodakazi yakho ekushoyo. Intsha ivame ukweqisa lapho ikhuluma. Ngokwesibonelo, indodana noma indodakazi yakho ingase ithi, “Njalo ungiphatha njengengane!” noma “Awukaze ungilalele!” Esikhundleni sokugxila emazwini anganembile athi “njalo” nathi “awukaze,” qaphela ukuthi umntanakho kungenzeka akakuqondile ngempela lokho akushoyo. Ngokwesibonelo, amazwi athi “Njalo ungiphatha njengengane” angase asho ukuthi “Nginomuzwa wokuthi awungithembi,” kanti  athi “Awukaze ungilalele” angase asho ukuthi “Ngifuna ukukutshela indlela engizizwa ngayo ngempela.” Zama ukuqonda isigijimi esivezwa amazwi.

‘Ingabe ngithiya ukukhulumisana ngingahlosile ngokuzama ukuphoqelela umntanami ukuba akhulume?’ IBhayibheli lithi: “Imbewu yesithelo sokulunga ihlwanyelwa ngaphansi kwezimo zokuthula kulabo abenza ukuthula.” (Jakobe 3:18) Ngamazwi akho nezenzo, yakha ‘izimo zokuthula’ ukuze umntanakho azizwe ethambekele ekukhulumeni. Khumbula, ungumsekeli womntanakho. Ngakho lapho nixoxa ngendaba, zama ukungazivezi njengommeli ofuna ukumangalela ufakazi enkantolo. Ubaba othile waseKorea okuthiwa u-Ahn, uthi: “Umzali ohlakaniphile akawasho amazwi anjengokuthi, ‘Uzokhula nini?’ noma, ‘Ufuna ngikhulume kangaki?’” Ngemva kokwenza amaphutha amaningi kule ndaba, ngaqaphela ukuthi amadodana ami ayengacasulwa nje indlela engangikhuluma ngayo kodwa nayilokho engangikusho.”

Ukukhulumisana nosemusha akuyona into engenakwenzeka. Lungisa indlela okwenza ngayo njengomzali kuye ngesidingo. Xoxa nabanye abazali abaye baphumelela kulesi sici. (IzAga 11:14) Lapho uxoxa nendodana noma indodakazi yakho, ‘shesha ukuzwa, wephuze ukukhuluma, wephuze ukuthukuthela.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Ngaphezu kwakho konke, ungalokothi udikibale emzamweni wakho wokukhulisa abantabakho “ngesiyalo nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova.”—Efesu 6:4..