IBHAYIBHELI lithi izisulu zokuphinga zingakhetha ukwahlukanisa noma ukungahlukanisi. b (Mathewu 19:9) USiyabonga, ocashunwe ngenhla, wakhetha ukungahlukanisi. Yena noLungile banquma ukuqhubeka nomshado wabo. Nokho, kungakabiphi kwabakhanyela ukuthi lokho kusho okungaphezu nje kokuqhubeka behlala ndawonye. Kanjani? Njengoba uphawulile emazwini abo, ukuphinga kukaLungile kwakuqeda nyá ukwethembana phakathi kwabo. Njengoba ukwethembana kubalulekile enjabulweni yomshado, kwadingeka basebenze kanzima ukuze baphinde bakwakhe.

Uma wena noshade naye nizama ukuqhubeka nomshado wenu ngemva kwenkinga enkulu efana nokuphinga, ngokuqinisekile nibhekene nenselele elukhuni. Zingaba nzima ngempela izinyanga zokuqala ngemva kokuba isizwakele indaba. Kodwa ningaphumelela! Ningaphinde nikwakhe kanjani ukwethembana? Ukuhlakanipha okutholakala eBhayibhelini kungasiza. Ake nihlole lokhu kusikisela okune okulandelayo.

Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: ‘Ngakho-ke, njengoba seniwalahlile amanga, khulumani iqiniso.’ (Efesu 4:25) Ukukhuluma amanga, ukusho amaqiniso angaphelele nokungakhulumisani kwenza ningathembani. Ngakho, kudingeka ningafihlelani lutho.

Ekuqaleni kungase kube nzima ukuxoxa ngokuphinga  okwenzekile. Nokho, ekugcineni kuyodingeka ukuba konke nikubeke obala. Ningase nikhethe ukungaxoxi ngayo yonke imininingwane, kodwa akukhona ukuhlakanipha ukugwema ukuxoxa ngendaba ngokwayo. ULungile ocashunwe ngenhla uthi: “Ekuqaleni, ngakuthola kunzima kakhulu futhi kunginenga ukuxoxa ngokungathembeki kwami. Kwakuyinto engangizisola kakhulu ngayo futhi ngifuna ukuyilibala.” Nokho, ukuyivalela kwami ngaphakathi kwabangela izinkinga. Kanjani? USiyabonga uthi: “Ngenxa yokuthi uLungile wayengafuni ukukhuluma ngakho, ngangihlale ngisola.” Uma ebheka emuva, uLungile uyavuma: “Ukungaxoxi nomyeni wami ngale ndaba kwasiphazamisa ekuyilungiseni.”

Ngokuqinisekile, kubuhlungu ukuxoxa nganoma yikuphi ukungathembeki. UDebbie, omyeni wakhe uPaul waphinga nonobhala wakhe, uthi: “Ngangizibuza izinto eziningi. Kwenzeke kanjani? Kungani? Bebekhuluma ngani? Imizwelo yami yalimala kakhulu futhi njengoba isikhathi siqhubeka ngangicabanga ngale ndaba njalo ngizibuza imibuzo eminingi.” UPaul uthi: “Ngiyavuma ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi mina noDebbie sasixabana kushunq’ uthuli. Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi sasixolisa komunye nomunye. Lezo zingxoxo eziqotho zasisondelanisa.”

Ningenza kanjani ukuba ningagcini senixabana lapho nixoxa? Khumbula ukuthi umgomo wakho oyinhloko akukhona ukujezisa oshade naye, kodwa ukufunda kulolu sizi olunehlele nokuqinisa umshado wenu. Ngokwesibonelo, uChul Soo nomkakhe uMi Young, bahlola ubuhlobo babo ngemva kokuphinga kukaChul Soo. UChul Soo uthi: “Ngathola ukuthi ngangimatasa kakhulu ngezinto zami. Futhi ngikhathalela ngokweqile ukujabulisa abanye, ngenza nalokho abakufunayo. Sonke isikhathi sami ngangisichitha nabo. Okwaphumela ekutheni sibe sincane engisichitha nomkami.” Ukubona lesi simo, kwenza ukuba uChul Soo noMi Young benze izinguquko, ezathi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi zasiza ekuqiniseni umshado wabo.

IBhayibheli lithi: “Ababili bangcono kunoyedwa.” Ngani? “Ngoba banomvuzo omuhle ngomsebenzi wabo onzima. Ngoba uma kungenzeka omunye wabo awe, lo omunye angamvusa umngane wakhe.” (UmShumayeli 4:9, 10) Lesi simiso sisebenza ngokukhethekile lapho nisebenzela ukuphinde nethembane.

Uma nibambisene, ningakwazi ukuphinde nakhe ukwethembana emshadweni wenu. Nokho, nobabili kudingeka nizimisele ukulwela umshado wenu. Uma uzama ukubamba wedwa, ngeke uphumelele. Kufanele nibambisane.

Yilokho uSiyabonga noLungile abakubona. ULungile uthi: “Akusheshanga khona, kodwa mina noSiyabonga sabambisana ekwakheni isibopho somshado esiqinile. Ngangingafuni ukuphinde ngimzwise ubuhlungu obunjalo. Nakuba uSiyabonga ayezwe ubuhlungu, wazimisela ukubamba umshado wethu ungachitheki. Nsuku zonke, ngangifuna izindlela zokumenza abone ukuthi ngithembekile futhi naye waqhubeka engibonisa ukuthi uyangithanda. Ngiyohlale ngimbonga ngalokho.”

Ngemva kokuxwayisa izilaleli zakhe ngokuphinga, uJesu weluleka: “Uma lelo liso lakho lesokunene likwenza ukhubeke, likhiphe ulilahle kude.” (Mathewu 5:27-29) Uma kunguwe ophingile, zikhona yini izinto ozicabangayo obuzenza osekufanele uziyeke ukuze usindise umshado wenu?

 Akubuzwa ukuthi kufanele uyeke ngokuphelele ukuxhumana nomuntu ophinge naye. c (IzAga 6:32; 1 Korinte 15:33) UPaul okukhulunywe ngaye ngaphambili, washintsha ishifu yakhe yomsebenzi nenombolo yakhe kamakhalekhukhwini ukuze angabe esaxhumana nalona wesifazane. Nokho, leyo mizamo yehluleka ukukunqamula ngokuphelele ukuxhumana. UPaul wayezimisele ukuphinde akhe ukwethenjwa umkakhe kangangokuba wawuyeka lowo msebenzi. Walahla umakhalekhukhwini wakhe wabe esesebenzisa owomkakhe kuphela. Ingabe lokhu kwakuwufanele umzamo? Umkakhe uDebbie uthi: “Sekudlule iminyaka eyisithupha, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kuyenzeka ngikhathazeke ngokuthi lo wesifazane angase azame ukuxhumana nomyeni wami. Kodwa manje ngiyathemba ukuthi uPaul ngeke asivumele leso silingo.”

Uma kunguwe ophingile, kungase kudingeke nokuba ushintshe ubuntu bakho. Ngokwesibonelo, kungenzeka ungumuntu othanda ukunaka kakhulu abobulili obuhlukile noma ujwayele ukwakha amaphupho uthandana nothile. Uma kunjalo, “[hlubula] ubuntu obudala nemikhuba yabo.” Qala imikhuba emisha eyokwenza oshade naye akwethembe. (Kolose 3:9, 10) Ingabe indlela owakhuliswa ngayo ikwenza kube nzima ukuba ubonise uthando? Nakuba ekuqaleni ungase ukuthole kunzima, lubonise kakhudlwana uthando futhi uqinisekise oshade naye ngalo. USiyabonga uyakhumbula: “ULungile wayevame ukubonisa uthando lwakhe ngokungithinta ngesandla, futhi wayevame ukuthi ‘Ngiyakuthanda.’”

Okwesikhathi esithile, kuyodingeka utshele oshade naye yonke into ozoyenza phakathi nosuku. UMi Young, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni uthi: “UChul Soo wayengitshela yonke into eyayenzeke phakathi nosuku, ngisho nezinto ezazingabalulekile, ezama ukungibonisa ukuthi wayengafihli lutho.”

Ningasheshi niphethe ngokuthi sekuyisikhathi sokubuyela endleleni enaniphila ngayo. IzAga 21:5 ziyaxwayisa: “Noma ngubani onamawala ngokuqinisekile uphokophele ekusweleni.” Kuzothatha isikhathi—mhlawumbe iminyaka—ukuba niphinde nethembane.

Uma kunguwe ophingelwe, zinike isikhathi sokuthethelela ngokuphelele. UMi Young uyakhumbula: “Ngangivame ukucabanga ukuthi yini nje engenza inkosikazi ihluleke ukuxolela umyeni wayo ophingile. Ngangingaqondi ukuthi kungani imthukuthelela isikhathi eside. Nokho, lapho sekungumyeni wami ophingile, ngaqonda ukuthi kungani kunzima kangaka ukuthethelela.” Ukuthethelela—nokwethembana—kwenzeka kancane kancane.

Nokho, umShumayeli 3:1-3 uthi ‘kunesikhathi sokuphulukisa.’ Ekuqaleni, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi ukuze ungazizwisi ubuhlungu kungcono ungayivezi imizwa yakho koshade naye. Nokho, ukwenza kanjalo ngeke nanini kukusize ukuba uphinde umethembe. Ukuze ulungise umonakalo, mxolele futhi ukubonise lokho ngokumtshela imicabango nemizwelo yakho ejulile. Mkhuthaze nokuba akutshele ngezinto ezimjabulisayo nezimkhathazayo.

Ungafukameli intukuthelo. Sebenzela ukuyinqoba. (Efesu 4:32) Ungase ukuthole kuzuzisa ukuzindla ngesibonelo sikaNkulunkulu uqobo. Wezwa ubuhlungu obukhulu lapho abakhulekeli bakhe bakwa-Israyeli wasendulo bemfulathela. UJehova uNkulunkulu waze wazifanisa nomuntu ophingelwe ashade naye. (Jeremiya 3:8, 9; 9:2) Kodwa ‘akazange acasuke kwaze kwaba nini nanini.’ (Jeremiya 3:12) Lapho abantu bakhe bebuya kuye, bephenduka ngobuqotho wabathethelela.

Ekugcineni, lapho nobabili senanelisekile  ukuthi nenze ushintsho oludingekayo emshadweni wenu, niyozizwa nilondekile. Ngemva kwalokho, kunokumane nigxile ekusindiseni umshado wenu, gxilani nakweminye imigomo yenu. Noma kunjalo, hlelani isikhathi sokuba nihlole intuthuko yenu. Ningazitheli ngabandayo. Lungisani noma ikuphi ukungaboni ngaso linye futhi niqinisekisane ngothando lwenu.—Galathiya 6:9.

Lapho nibona sengathi aniphumeleli, khumbulani lokhu: UNkulunkulu unguMsunguli womshado. (Mathewu 19:4-6) Ngakho-ke, ngosizo lwakhe ningenza umshado wenu uphumelele. Bonke abashadile esikhulume ngabo ngenhla basebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli esihlakaniphile futhi bakwazi ukusindisa imishado yabo.

Sekuphele iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-20 uSiyabonga noLungile badlula kulolu sizi. USiyabonga uyichaza kanje indlela abalungisa ngayo umshado wabo: “Ushintsho olukhulu lwaqala ukubonakala lapho sesifunda iBhayibheli noFakazi BakaJehova. Usizo esaluthola lwalungenakuqhathaniswa. Ngenxa yalokho, sakwazi ukudlula kulezo zikhathi ezinzima.” ULungile uthi: “Ngizizwa ngibusiseke ngokucebile ngoba sakwazi ukubekezela phakathi nalezo zikhathi ezibucayi. Ngokufunda iBhayibheli ndawonye nangokuzikhandla, manje umshado wethu muhle kakhulu.”